The honeymoon is over...so over. And so now I need to work at it. And honestly it is a love/hate relationship at this point. There are so many things I LOVE about blogging, mainly it is the reading of others blogs. I have so enjoyed peeping into others lives and enjoying the crazy things happening with their kids, their jobs, their dogs, whatever. It's a dose of reality that really settles the nerves. Then there are those blogs that make me want to vomit...all rose-colored and cheese, the ones that I can't help but looking at, despite the fact that I want to shake the author and say, "I know it isn't all fun and games so seriously give up the facade." But that, in and of itself, says so much about the standards society sets on all of us to be perfect and all that jazz, and it makes me want to blog about my not so perfect life which at the end of the day is occasionally perfectly pleasing with all its faults. But really the hate part of the relationship comes from what others who are reading this are summarizing about me and my family. I don't want to get into that here, that is for another blog all together.
But after months of soul searching and much prodding by dear friends, I have decided "the blog must go on", if nothing else for the sake of my children. I want them to know a fraction of who I was when they were little and can't remember. I mean really, I can't remember my mother and her "self" really before the age of about 7, and that is a damn significant portion of my life...and I honestly gather that she can't remember what is was like to be our mother before school and adolescence with sports and girl scouts and clothes crises, etc. took over. I do have memories as a young child, but really getting it, didn't come along until much later. I especially want my babies to know how much I loved being a mother to them before they got all attitude-ish on me. I am pretty sure my attitude-ish-ness could come back to bite me. The sweet innocence of holding their tiny hands as they go to sleep and the closeness of snuggling up to their tiny little bodies as they nurse. The way their eyes light up when I come into their rooms after a good nap, and their reaction to the surprise on my face when they learn a new trick or word. It really is the most magical time of my life, and the most exhausting and chaotic.
I have had a really hard time getting a handle on life after the craziness that was 2008. It all worked out perfectly and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank God for our many blessings. Even so, I never really got my legs back under me after RoryCate's arrival, and I had anticipated at least being there by Christmas. Still trying, and not giving up. Life is freakin' crazy and I am learning to embrace that instead of trying to control it, but it ain't easy teaching an old dog new tricks!
So bare with me, but if I am not doing a job you deem satisfactory, feel free to email me and give me a piece of your mind. And I seriously expect you to email me if I get all cheese ball rosy on you. That just won't do!
And I want to thank so many people who have sent really sweet compliments to me about my writing. I have NEVER, I mean ever, felt confident in my writing skills and probably attribute this lack of confidence in my ability to convey myself in writing as one of the major reasons I decided to major in math and statistics. Not too many term papers required when you are studying calculus, real analysis or statistical theory. I did do the liberal arts thing and had many a VERY long night trying my hand at essays in political science (I did ok there, I think I even made an A in one of Dr. Street's classes) or English literature (not so well there). I know I leave much to be desired with my grammar skills and I worry about my well written and well read friends proof reading of my entries every time I sit down to type. But it is fun and very cathartic to get it all out on html.
I hope to do a better job of keeping up with the daily grind including this here blog, and I hope to find spare bits of time to go back and fill in the holes. Check back soon!
7 comments:
HOORAY!! I'm so glad the blog will live on! Can't wait to read your next post! ;-)
Yay! I'm loving it! Can't wait to see my favorite family in Dallas in a few weeks. Until then - I hope to keep up with you all on your blog! Keep em' coming!
Go April! I know it's tough - especially after you get out of the swing of things. I just miss seeing pictures of your sweet babies and reading your funny words. Because you are funny and yes, you are a great writer. Reading your writing, I can just hear your voice! :) Looking forward to seeing you soon!!
And you will be proud to know that I have started. Don't get too excited, I have only finished the headline, but at least it is a start. For future reference, it is www.crazyasbetsybugs.blogspot.com. I will work on having an actual post in the next few days!
April, you can do it!! I love reading your blog and seeing your adorable kiddos. I love your honesty- it is refreshing and appreciated. You amaze me with your constant and genuine smile Monday and Wednesday mornings with two kids in tow. I am so impressed with you- blog or no blog!
April, I am glad you are going to keep at it. It's been fun "getting to know you" by reading your blog and our few emails back and forth! And I totally agree with you in your reasoning - one of my biggest motivations for blogging is so that my kids can get to know the mother of their early years. A side benefit is making new friends!
So glad you're back on the blogging circuit - only because you're such a fun read. Don't beat yourself up about not blogging ENOUGH though, you're one of the best (and busiest!) Moms I know. Couldn't even imagine doing ALL that you do - the kids are so blessed. BTW - next time you watch Ava and send her home with another "craft" or project, I'm going to have to whip you... I can't have her think that life at "Apers" is the norm:)
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